I Failed.

Sunday, July 24, 2016.  IMLP.

I Failed.  The two words I uttered when they pulled me out of the water.  The same two words I said when I was consoled by friends while shaking and shivering uncontrollably.

I was pulled out of the water on the IMLP swim part, on the second loop about 4 buoys to the finish.  I wouldn’t have made it to the swim cut-off no matter how hard I tried to push.  I couldn’t breathe.  I couldn’t swim.  Not even from 1 buoy to another.  I had to hold on to every kayak I could hold on to.  Every kayak.  I knew I was the only one left in the water because all the kayaks were around me, trying to help me continue and finish.  Every kayak.  And still, I could not swim from 1 kayak to another.  Every stroke was like drowning, gasping for air.  I Failed.

I felt fine before and right on the start of the IMLP swim part.  I started at back, between the 1:30-1:45 predicted finish sign. I positioned myself on the outside part to avoid the crowd aiming for the ‘line’ on the inside part of the course.  It was foggy and sighting was limited.  After 2 or 3 buoys, I had trouble breathing.  I thought it was a panic attack.  But I was calm.  I paused.  I was still ok, passing some swimmers and some passing me.  But the shortness of breath never went away.  I kept on tugging and adjusting my wetsuit, thinking that it was restricting my air intake.  After the 2 red turn-around buoys, I held onto a kayak.  And from there on, it was either from buoy to kayak, kayak to buoy, or kayak to kayak, stopping to breathe and adjusting my wetsuit.  Before finishing the first loop, I made the decision to remove the top of my wetsuit.  I didn’t have a watch, but I believe I finished the 1st loop in over an hour.

I took off the wetsuit top before entering the water for the 2nd loop.  I asked the first kayak how much time I had for the 2nd loop.  He said plenty of time, more than 1 hour.  Ok, I thought and tried to swim.  Right on the first stroke, I gasped for air.  The kayak asked me if I wanted him to go with me.  I said yes, stay with me.  Then another kayak came.  I used them as guides.  But the shortness of breath worsened.  I was calling for the kayak every few strokes.  More kayaks came, and started talking to me, coaxing me, telling me to just relax and slowly continue.  Breast stroke would still take me to the finish.  I still had time.  I think I had about 30 minutes left after the last turn-around buoy.  And I think, by this time, all the kayaks were around me, plus the official boat to take me back to shore in case I decided to quit.  And I think even the kayak volunteers were getting exasperated with me because I was not making any progress no matter how much encouragement they do.  “Timmy, you can still make it, but you have to go now.  No more stopping.  You have to go now.”.  I tried.  I really tried.  How can you swim without air?  With about 4 buoys left, they finally said “You’re not going to make it.”.  They said “You can stop now and quit, or continue and we pull you out.”.  I think what they meant on the 2nd one was I did not quit.  Seems pointless, I continued and they pulled me out.  On the boat, I uttered, I Failed.